Jay took this photo today while he was home sick from school. Actually, I had both boys home with what appeared to be two different types of illnesses! Meanwhile, I am sucking up zinc and Airborne as preventative measures. I do feel a bit tired, but isn't that typical of a working mom with a fitness addiction? :)
I went to the mailbox eagerly awaiting news that my mammogram was clear...but it was not to be found there. Two days ago, however, there was notice in that very box that Jay was granted an audition for the art school/OCHSA. He seems exicted and his portfolio looks to be WELL above average, but hey I am his biased mother, right? The whole thing is in God's hands anyway.
My older son Stephen has been so appreciative of me lately. Thanking me for things that normally would not require such, hugging me, listening to my advice for his life a bit more. This is such a hard stage for him, trying to manage all that he has on his plate. It is quite a bit like riding a roller-coaster with him and always has been. He was brutally disrespectful just days ago, resulting in a huge argument between he and Rich. Stephen does not see how condescending and rude he appears, even in his nonverbal behavior. And then the pendulum swings and all is right in his world and I notice how gorgeously handsome he is becoming and how tall and beautiful...but there is such a long way to go. However, I praised both boys today telling them how honest they are and how I like the way they are both growing up.
Tomorrow I have a huge work day and I need to be very vigilant and on-task there. I should pack up my lunch tonight and get everything organized to help me get out on time in the morning. My eating has been quite off lately, which just results in nothing positive, especially in my attitude. Both kids should be well enough to be back at school and Rich is flying in from a business trip....now. PTL.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Yeah, I am emotional right now and have been for several days. Instead of handing my cares to Him, to "be still and KNOW" that He is in charge, I choose to worry and fret.
Whenever I look at the video on this site I cry: www.ocsarts.net/ And whenever I walk by the Junior High School that my son is scheduled to attend next fall, I shudder. I don't even want to look at it and yet my older son attends there and loves it. The school is academically insane with respect to the brutal amounts of homework and treating the kids as if they were near finishing college. That's fine if you are academically gifted and an incredible super-star with organization and time management. But when you are a dreamer, unorganized, drawing cartoons all over your work and notebooks instead of paying attention and studying....well that makes things tough. If it were a school of more average students, a more mixed population, more accommodating teachers, more fine arts.............then I would be happy. But it is a school which then feeds into one of the "best" high schools in the state, complete with those stupidly high test scores and an overwhelmingly huge percentage of serious college-bound kids, Harvard and Dartmouth included. Grrrr.......
I recently had a nightmare about this son in which he was half eaten by a shark because he could not swim fast enough to escape. And I watched the entire thing from a dock in horror. Lord! What does this mean? Can I not help him enough? Is he not fit enough to survive? In addition to nearly scaring me to death, I was quite TICKED when I was awakened in the middle of the night by this monster. How dare my unconscious fears intrude in such a horrific manner!
My son is aware of how deeply I love him. He knows I am worried about next year. He sees how exhausted I get with all I need to do to hold everything together at work and home and still help keep him afloat academically.
I have informed my son that I will be looking at two private Christian schools soon to see if I like them for him for next year. He is not thrilled because he is very social and has many, many friends. And there is the art school lurking in the back of my mind. I have the application and a letter of recommendation from one of his art teachers. But the truth is that I am not sure he has quite what it takes......at least, not yet. That's why I cry when I look at the OCSHA info. Maybe it is a bit of a loss...that he is not quite talented enough academically and he is not quite talented enough artistically. Always in the average or on the stupid fringes as far as the world is aware. But those close to him know of his unique gifts and purposes....of how wonderful, kind, and loving he is. How clever and creative. He makes me feel like I am the best parent in the world even when I feel I am failing miserably.
So we will march forward. In the meantime, I will take prayers because I need them. I need Him.